No doubt about it. Your wedding day is very special
- What can you expect your first year of marriage?
- Many find the first year of marriage difficult
- Survivors learned to make adjustments
WHY DO YOU NEED TO SURVIVE YOUR FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE?
“Omigosh. It was horrible. We fought so much that first year!”
We’re quoting Glen here, a young husband talking about his first year of marriage. He said: “Before we were married I saw everything in black and white. I knew exactly how to be a great husband and was sure I could handle any problem. Ha! Once we were married I discovered I knew zilch.”
Renee, Glen’s wife, admitted: “I cried more the first year we were married than ever before in my life. It was not what I expected.”
Happily, Renee and Glen have now been married for over six years. They have adjusted – and they are very happy.
True, there are also many wonderful experiences to be shared during your first year of marriage, and not every couple finds their first year as difficult as did Glen and Renee. But many do. It’s no wonder: Two different personalities are living together for the first time – and not just as roommates, but as a married couple. New pressures and challenges pop up constantly and neither one has experienced how to handle them.
LOOKING BEYOND THE WEDDING DAY
Surviving the First Year of Marriage — Start Before You are Married.
What sort of problems will you face during Year One? More importantly – how can you survive your first year of marriage?
For months, or maybe years, most young couples contemplating marriage dream about either being a princess in a beautiful wedding gown, or of the excitement of their wedding night and romantic honeymoon. But weddings only last a few hours. And the wedding night is just that — one night. Honeymoons are seldom longer than a week, maybe two. Then what?
Marriage is more than a beautiful dress and a honeymoon
How well do you know the person you are suddenly living with? Sure, dating helped you to get to know them. But dating couples frequently let romance blind them to the flaws of their future mates. Not to mention they are usually both on their best behavior while dating.
Living with someone is a whole new ballgame. Your mate may try to “be perfect” during the first weeks after the honeymoon: For instance, a wife may go to great lengths to make certain her husband only sees her looking her very best and a husband might lavish his wife with enormous amounts of attention. But is this going to be typical of the rest of their married life? Come on. Let’s be realistic.
You will see each other in unglamorous situations
Your Different Upbringings Can Cause Clashes.
After a month or two of marriage, you will finally find out what your mate is really like. Is he humble or high-minded? Is she reasonable or petty? Is she modest or is she vain? Is he kind & considerate or selfish & unyielding?
When you live with someone you will see them at their best and at their worst: when they are sick, when they wake up in the morning and when they are tired and dirty after a long hard day at work. Also, you will find there are any number of circumstances that can crowd out the time required for the constant attention shown each other during those first blissful weeks of marriage — problems like emergency home repairs, ill parents or siblings, job demands — Well, you get the picture.
Your mates skills may be different than your parents
Another thing: You might find some of your mate’s habits are (surprise!) unpleasant. This is probably because their upbringing was different than yours. Glen was an only child. Renee had seven brothers and sisters. Glen was from Maine. Renee was from New Mexico. Both found old habits died slowly and both had to make certain adjustments.
SURVIVING THE FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE BY DEALING WITH DIFFERENCES
Keep a Sense of Humor. Put forth the effort to grow together.
How will you deal with differences like these? Glen and Renee both agreed they kept their sense of humor. Both remembered that they loved each other very much, and they built their daily lives around their similarities.
Do that and you will find that you will grow together.
Oh, sure: The faucet may still leak and supper may still be “foreign.” But you will learn much about each other as you laugh away minor catastrophes. If you can laugh at them, minor problems will become your fond memories.
Does it take effort to keep the spark of interest alive in a relationship? Of course it does. But don’t let the relationship stagnate. Rather than dwelling on differences, build on similarities. Grow together and you’ll never outgrow each other.
You will survive your first year of marriage.
More about this in future articles.
